No I am not pregnant yet. And I have no intention to be.
I’m writing this post in response to Vivien’s news of her number three princess…
Not long after I had Meimei, I could feel I’d have another boy later, in an ESP kind of way. It’s like … I somehow feel I was not done with childbearing yet. My childbearing haunch had been strong and accurate. With Baobao and Meimei, I could feel their gender before the utlrasound revealed so. And long before Meimei was conceived, I could already feel that I would be pregnant with another child, and then I had her. So I have some confidence in this prediction ability of mine.
It says I will have a third child, and he’d be a boy. I have even dreamt about him. It’s a very strong feeling.
However, I’m already 38. Of course if we want a child badly, we can still try for one. But we have already decided to stop at two. Several reasons.
One, I had a rather difficult pregnancy with Meimei, all that bleeding and bed rest and amnio test, with scary preliminary results. From that, we came away knowing pregnancies do not necessary get easier for later kids. What if I messed up again? Who will care for my two now? And as advised, there’s a higher chance we may get defective children at an older age…Sidetrack abit ah – I HATE modern medicine for all it’s psuedo helpfulness about scans, amnio, and those stupid defective eggs theory. Even if they may be true. I hate knowing all these. It was alot easier to let god make such decisions in the olden days.
Two, without much childcare support, it had been a drain on us. We really do not wish to go through another cycle of baby feeding, diaper changing, night feeds, pram pushing. Not when Meimei will be turning three soon (Woohoo~ Freedom~ BLUFFING~). Another one will mean a longer jail term for me. Initially – aiyoooo baby – so cute! But the aftermath is 20 long years where you have to take care of their 3 meals and education DAILY. For me, it’s such a drag sometimes. Day after day, meals after meal, neverending. Its like an imprisonment by their needs.
For all the things I need to do, I have to do each task 3 times. Meals, I feed myself and the two kids or nag them to eat. So much time in there. Whether it’s washing hands, bathing etc, because I need to care for them, I do every task 3 times. So I always complain “What good is 三头六臂 ?”（3 heads and 6 arms – A Chinese idom refering to a capable person who can do many things) . I too have 3 heads and 6 arms now, but I need to feed 3 times for a meal, wash 6 hands, comb 3 heads….Baobao, Meimei and I.
All these have resulted in me being fully tied down to them. My old friends who want to catch up with me will have to visit me at home. I need to manouvre around Baobao’s school hours if I need to go out. So anything requiring me going out alone takes alot of planning and the mister is totally not supportive of releasing me.
So Conclusion? Children = Imprisonment!
However, despite the hassles, I have to say the days of being a stay at home mom has to be one of the best in my life! 😛 If I can have some relief here and there, I think I’m the happiest person on earth.
The conflict is this. I know that I do not want to have another child, but I can feel that there’s one to have. And I feel abit of guilt towards him. So I sometimes tell my Dear, we have that no. 3 child. whether we like it or not. So it’s either we decide to try for him now, or he will come by himself later…
I’m not sure I have convinced you I didn’t think all these because I am too free nothing to do at home.
Anyways, I will not think about it.